I just realised it has been almost a year since I've made an entry here.  So much has happened.

 

First, I was laid off from work in January.  Now, before you all hurt yourself saying "OH I'm so sorry!", pause.  You see, I am NOT sorry.  I am actually quite pleased! 

 

Yes, there are scarey aspects of this, I am used to being responsible and paying the bills and all that.  But I am not used to doing what I want to do.  I am not used to putting myself first.  I am not used to thinking of my life as one where I can do whatever I want, regardless of how crazy and far-fetched it may sound. 

 

I have been torn these past few years.  I do love engineering, I believe this is something you are rather than something you learn.  However, in the past few years my job satisfaction has been steadily dropping.  I have felt put down, put on, pushed aside.  Frustration that the yes-men seem to get ahead while everyone else does the actual work.  Tired of tossing ideas for improvement to the boss, only to be told changes aren't necessary and laughed at, then have my very same ideas be presented as his at a future date.  Yes, the turkeys have been winning, and I'm considering just stepping out of the game altogether.

 

I had decided that this was the right decision for me, verified by my happiness level steadily rising the longer I am away from that environment.

 

Then I get the phone call.  Some executive recruiter in another state, with an interesting job offer.  At first I almost dismiss the call out of hand, but something in me makes me continue the conversation.  I find myself assuring the recruiter that my return to school is not settled, and I am open to possibilities.  I find myself listening to him as he describes the company, the position, the potential.  And I'm surprised to find myself becoming interested...

 

Maybe I'm not tired of engineering.  Maybe I'm just tired of dealing with the "not worthy".  Maybe there is someplace out there who will allow me to learn, grow, explore and investigate.

 

Maybe I've finally become bored with sitting at home...